Ever have one of those nights?

Do you ever have one of those nights where you sit up wondering about EVERYTHING? Literally everything. Tonight is one of those nights for me.

I wonder how I am doing as a parent.
I wonder if I am doing everything I should, should he know his alphabet yet?
Do I teach him enough?
I wonder if I am letting him be independent enough.
I wonder if I am dependable enough.

I wonder how his Mommy Katie is. (worry about her is more like it, we love her so much and just want everything to be perfect for her!)
I wonder about our future birthmother(s).
I wonder if they are okay.
I wonder if they are already struggling with hard decisions in their life.

I wonder why some of us need to be tested to the point that we feel like we are going to break.
I wonder why one person's trial is a blessing for another.
I wonder how many lives that blessing truly blesses (I can't even begin to count how many lives Roman has blessed!).

Obviously I am not the only person who has had a night like this. I think of the song "Just a few Questions" by Clay Walker

How in this world can we put a man on the moon,
And still have a need for a place like St Jude's?
And why is one man born,
In a place where all they know is war?
And a guy like me,
Has always been free.

And how can two people who built a loving home,
Try for years and never have a child of their own?
When somewhere out there tonight,
There's a baby no-one's holding tight:
In need of love.
To me, that don't add up.

But I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

And why did my cousin have to die in that crash?
A good kid, only seventeen, I still wonder about that.
It seems unfair to me,
Some get the chance to chase their dreams,
And some don't.
But what do I know?

I wasn't there the day you filled up the oceans.
I didn't get to see you hang the stars in the sky.
So I don't mean to second guess you,
Or criticise what I don't understand.
These are just a few questions I have.

Why do I feel like you hear these prayers of mine.
When so many oughta be ahead of me in line?
When you look down on me,
Can you see the good through all the bad?
These just a few questions I have.

I told him. . .and he took it well

Today I had to have my car serviced. It was going to take a few hours so Roman and I rode Trax downtown and had lunch with Spencer then went to the Gateway and spent a few hours shopping. As we were finished shopping I called the dealership and it was going to be a few more hours before the car was done. I was getting pretty tired from walking everywhere pushing a stroller. I decided we would go over to Temple Square for a while, look at the flowers, the fountains, just waste a little more time.

As we got to Temple Square we went over to the fountain and of course Roman wanted to play in the water. As we sat down there I started thinking about the temple, and everything that has happened in our life over the past year and a half. I sat down next to Roman and started talking to him about our adoption, his mommy Katie, how special he is and how special it was when we were sealed to him. Thankfully he isn't old enough to be embarrassed by his mother crying in public (because I totally was). After we were done talking I told him how much I love him and that I was so happy he was part of our family and he said "okay" and let me cuddle him for a few minutes. I hope we can have more conversations like this, lots more!