Thankful Thursday

I have been thinking a lot about what I wanted to post as my very first Thankful Thursday. I decided that I should start with the person who I am most thankful for. My best friend, the most amazing daddy, my Spencer. He is a funny, passionate, loving person who I don't know what I would ever do without.

I am so thankful for him for so many reasons. As I mentioned he is my best friend. We have now known each other over 12 years. I can talk to him about anything, everything. Some of my favorite nights are the nights that we just lay in bed in the dark talking. Talking about anything, everything. Or on a road trip, or a walk, when we just have the deep long talks. Talks about everything that is on our minds.

He is such a great daddy. Roman runs squealing when he hears the door open when Daddy gets home. He loves that boy more than anything, and Roman loves his daddy just as much. There is nothing better than watching them wrestling on the floor or sitting on the couch watching a movie together.

I am so thankful that Spencer took the time to find a career that he loves. Most people would not love to do what he does, He loves what he does and that is huge. I am so thankful that he took the time to finish school.

I am eternally thankful that he honors his priesthood and that we have a worthy priesthood holder in our home. I am thankful that I am able to spend eternity with him!

Just a few amazing stories about Spencer, just to show you why I am so thankful for him. This first story I don't share very often. When we were first struggling with infertility, fertility treatments, diagnosis it really took a toll on our relationship. Anyone who has ever taken fertility drugs understands, they are such a hormonal hell. When we finally found answers as to why we were unable to get/stay pregnant I was DEVASTATED to say the least. The problems were 100% me which is hard to hear. I told Spencer that if he wanted out I understood, we had been through so much I would have completely understood if he has said goodbye. Instead he showed me what unconditional love was. He told me he hadn't married me for the children we would have, sure he wanted kids but he married me for me. He showed me that our love was eternal that the obstacles thrown at us wouldn't break us.

Spencer has always been good at sweet surprises. One year for Christmas he filled my stocking with a dozen red roses. Christmas morning is always fill of such suspense, but nothing brings a smile to a girls face quicker than flowers, what a perfect way to start Christmas morning!

There are millions of sweet stories I could share about my sweetheart. I am so thankful that I found my best friend, and have had 8 great years with him so far, I can't wait for the next 80 (and eternity for that matter!)!

Remembering the good

This year I have let myself get into a little bit of a rut, a pity party of sorts. I am not going to lie, this has been a rough year. Things happen, life doesn't always go as planned, but that doesn't mean that the world is against me.

Last night we drove home from California where we went for a memorial service for Spencer's cousin's husband. The memorial was in the late afternoon so by the time we got on the road to head home it was getting late. Spencer started out driving and I slept then it was my turn to drive.

I drove for about 4 hours in silence while Spencer slept quietly next to me and Roman was asleep in the back seat. The quiet time driving gave me a chance to think. I started out thinking of Spencer's cousin, Liz. She said something that made me so sad for her, she said "Oh sure, I just need to find a new life, the old one was too good anyway." My heart just broke for her. I can't imagine losing my husband at 26 years old, they have a sweet little girl who lost her daddy and really doesn't understand. That was where my thoughts went next was to that sweet little girl, not quite 4 years old who doesn't really understand except that her daddy is gone.

I will admit I started having a bit of a pity party at this point. This year has by no means been a walk in the park for us, but we have had SO many blessing and for some reason I forget about the blessings when I start in on a pity party. How is it that I forget about that miracle running around my house that calls me Mommy (or mama, or occasionally Mommy Wendy)? How is it that I forget about the amazing house that we have, and the friends that we have had that have helped us to fill it with laughter? The friends who have laughed with us and cried with us?

I have decided that I am going to start posting Thankful Thursday posts. Something every Thursday I am thankful for. Heaven knows I could go on forever. I have SO much to be thankful for!

I just need to remember that there are so many good things happening in our life! They far outweigh any bad!

And as a preview, wou know what Roman is thankful for? A garden that is producing CUCUMBERS!

(Gosh I love this boy!! That smile gets me EVERY TIME!!!)

Grab a box of tissues

Okay, I don't usually watch 16 and Pregnant. I heard about last nights episode and I just had to watch it. It is about an amazing 16 yr old girl and the most supportive 17 year old boy I have ever seen. I don't know what I was thinking watching this, I know it's something that makes me very emotional. Thankfully there was a box of tissues sitting on our desk already.

This is the entire episode, it's about 40 minutes long, but absolutely AMAZING!

MTV's 16 and Pregnant - MTV Shows

I am so thankful that Catelyn and Tyler had the courage to realize that they were doing the very best thing for their baby girl. I hope they know how amazing they are!

Wanting to choose The Ones.

Where I left off telling my story, I was mentioning a certain website where I was spending a lot of my time…

I’m a researcher. I rarely had questions for my doctor because everything I wanted to know I learned myself by reading online and by getting books from the library. Many of my Google searches for various questions landed me on the same website: Babycenter. Babycenter has quite a bit of information about pregnancy, including those graphic childbirth videos that no one really wants to see. So I ended up on this site quite a bit. Wandering around on the site I found my way to the message boards. On the message boards there are groups for everything you can think of. One of these groups was the LDS board. If you haven’t figured this out already, I am LDS. So naturally I was drawn to this board out of a sense of belonging and mutual understanding. I started posting there- getting answers to questions or just chit-chatting. This was all during the time that I found myself wanting to withdraw from the “real” world, since I found it difficult to trust anyone and also because of that instinct I felt to protect myself and stay close to the nest. It was nice to be able to have so much interaction with people while still being safely and comfortably at home.

Sometime around January, 2007:

For a few months now I was engulfed big time in harsh, bitter reality and longed to see something good and miraculous happen. So I was eager to choose a family. Once I did finally break down and see a caseworker, he encouraged me to wait until I was around 6 months along to choose the family. His reasoning and explanation for that advice made perfect sense to me. But I wanted that emotional rush of finding the ones. I had already been looking at online profiles from time to time, looking for inspiration. What was I looking for?

- College degrees
- Strong testimonies of the gospel
- Intelligence
- Seriousness about the adoption process
- A glimmer, a spark: something in the eyes that speaks to me
- An appreciation for family
- A sense of understanding of my position in all this
- About one state away of distance
- That burning feeling of confirmation

I admit I remember dejectedly looking at profile after profile, clicking from one page to the next and feeling nothing. Or very little. I felt some discouragement that I didn’t seem to be able to find that last criterion- that burning feeling, the overwhelming confirmation that I had found the ones. It just wasn’t happening. I still felt strongly and confidently that adoption was right for me but I just wasn't finding that perfect fit.

So I did something that looking back, surprises me. I just picked one that I liked. Don’t get me wrong, there was nothing wrong or inferior about the couple I chose. They fit all of my criteria with the sole exception that I liked them, I just didn’t overwhelmingly love them. Though I didn’t really know that at the time because I had nothing to compare it to.

February 2007:

I emailed the couple through the LDS Family Services website (which, thank goodness has been completely re-done) and soon we were emailing back and forth, getting to know each other. If I’m remembering correctly it was after a couple weeks of emailing that I told this couple I had chosen them to adopt my baby. Emotional rush! Hooray, just what I had wanted. Yet, again, looking back it just wasn’t quite what it should have or could have been.

Then Valentine’s Day of 2007 came and shook up my whole world.

The best part

This week I have been appreciating how lucky I am to be a mom. I LOVE being a mom. Sure it's hard, sure there are things that I don't love, but I wouldn't trade those few things for all the good things.

I love sneaking in at night just to get one last peek.

I love snuggling on the couch in the mornings.

I secretly still love when he wants to sleep in my arms.

I love teaching him new things.

I love listening to him talk.

I love watching him love others. (Most especially his Daddy, his Mommy Katie, his grandparents (boy do they ever LOVE him!!!), his aunts and uncles, and his cousins)


I love playing outside with him.

I love playing inside with him when we can't play outside.

I love when he tells me something that I had no idea that he knew. (For example, yesterday he told me that Grandpa drives a dump truck. Grandpa does indeed drive a dump truck, but how the heck did he know that? Every time he puts his Legos man into the dump truck he now says it's Grandpa.)

I love that he loves me!

I love when he says words wrong (Like Uncle Semen) but he is trying so hard.

I love that he addresses everyone by name.

Most of all, I just plain love him and I love being a mom!