Remember

Today, October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant loss day. 8 years ago this past Monday, October 11, 2001 we said goodbye to our first angel. Instead of Thankful Thursday today I wanted to tell you a little about our life these past 8 years.

For about 5 of those years I was terribly ashamed. I felt somehow responsible, and so deeply saddened by our losses I couldn't even bring myself to talk about it. Now, 8 years later, it has changed who I am. I have mentioned so many things that I am thankful for already in my Thankful Thursday posts that relate to this. I am a woman with an amazing husband, an adorable son, and a life.

I have struggled with infertility, I still do, it's not something that goes away, it's not something that is "cured" by adoption. In our adoption education classes one of the case workers said "Adoption doesn't cure infertility, it corrects childlessness. You need to find your own closure to infertility." I still have times that I am angry, sad, and just don't understand; things are not always easy.

Because of these struggles I have become friend with two groups of friends who have helped me more then I can ever express. I talked about them a few weeks ago. Unfortunately the first group is spending tonight thinking of their little ones that left too soon also.

I am a woman who is very thankful for the angels that we have, and I am thankful for the one I have to snuggle here tonight. We have been blessed through our trials. Everyone has trials, and we don't get to chose what they are. I will be thinking of all our angels tonight. And all the angel babies that left too soon.